(Reuters / Jonathan Alcorn)

(Reuters / Jonathan Alcorn)

Porno Pete managed to squeak one final temper tantrum out of 2013, and you won’t be surprised to learn that it involves the Rose Bowl Parade float wherein two men got married. Indeed, out of the few seconds that the television showed this float slowly going down the parade route, celebrating the love of people he’s never met, Porno Pete gleaned seven “lessons.”

DISCLAIMER: Porno Pete doesn’t have any moral authority to be teaching anyone lessons. Indeed, around the same time his “lessons about some parade float” post went up, he posted a giant dildo display on his own personal “pro-family” porn/hate site. He gave a perfunctory warning telling kids to stop reading, but the warning was directly above the giant dildo display, which means that any kids unfortunate enough to have parents who respect Porno Pete would have already seen all the giant dildos most likely.

Let’s look at all the lessons that wingnuts are supposed to learn from a slow-moving float covered with flowers where two people’s love for each other was celebrated:

1. The Homosexual ‘Marriage’ Movement Is Evil. Moral-minded Americans need to face the truth of what the homosexual “marriage” movement is: a social evil—anti-Christian to the core—that celebrates what the Bible calls an egregious sexual sin as a moral good.

Homosexual activists are desperate to “normalize” their aberrant lifestyle. Their movement has become the Left’s vanguard in undermining and redefining civilized Judeo-Christian principles. The LGBT lobby has become what historian Paul Johnson calls a “Monster in our Midst,” trampling over and appropriating society’s wholesome traditions and institutions—even Christianity itself—to achieve its godless goals.

Well there you have it. Two people celebrated their love, therefore the fight for equality is “evil.” Of course, Porno Pete doesn’t even speak for a plurality of Christians when he says that it’s “anti-Christian to its core,” since Not All Christians Are Like That and scholars far more intelligent and far less obviously disturbed than Pete’s favorite go-to dude Rob Gagnon have concluded that the Bible doesn’t say what modern day bigots want it to say about sexuality.

2. Platform to Corrupt Children. The homosexual “marriage” movement corrupts impressionable children by teaching them that wrong is right (see Isaiah 5:20) and that erotic “love” between two people of the same sex is “equal” to natural marital love as ordained by God. Jesus Christ had strong words for anyone who promotes sin and corrupts the souls of innocent children.

That’s not a “lesson.” Of course, reality and science tell us that homosexuality is completely normal. I’m not sure how the parade float is “corrupting children,” since most kids probably didn’t notice it, but I’d rather teach children the actual truth, based on science, as opposed to Porno Pete’s disturbing version of “truth” that tells innocent kids that they’re going to burn in hell simply for who they are.

3. Even ‘Conservative Aspects of LGBT Agenda Are Radical. The Rose Parade’s live homosexual “wedding” again illustrates that even the supposedly “conservative” side of the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) agenda is revolutionary and destructive—primarily because legalized, “domesticated” homosexualism provides a very public platform from which to redefine God’s wonderful institutions of marriage and family.

“Gay” activists and their liberal allies co-opt noble institutions like the Rose Parade and use them to indoctrinate children in the Big Lies that homosexuality is just another kind of love and a mere “civil rights” issue. Similarly, schools across America are being used to promote immoral same-sex conduct as an “equality” issue.

How does this parade have anything to do with “conservative aspects of the LGBT agenda?” This is looking more like a Wingnut-By-Numbers piece wherein the outrage du jour is inserted into a canned piece that says nothing new, yet bores everyone. How must it feel, though, to be Porno Pete right now, screaming like a banshee at an American population who literally does not care what people like him think, and moreover, are grossed out by it?

4. Symbolic of America’s Decline. The “gay wedding” float is symbolic of America’s ongoing moral disintegration: In the name of “tolerance,” “diversity” and “inclusion,” we proudly parade our sin down our streets—defying our Creator and aggressively corrupting the minds and souls of future generations.

As historians have documented, sexual immorality, escalating fornication and the abandonment of fidelity in marriage bring about the collapse of civilizations; the United States will be no exception. No wonder developing nations like Jamaica don’t want to emulate us.

Porno Pete yet again cites his nasty little trip to Jamaica, where he has gone in order to incite even more hatred against LGBT people, in a climate that’s already producing bloodshed. To make himself feel better and presumably, in order that he may sleep at night, he’s claiming that all the violence in Jamaica is gay on gay, which means it doesn’t matter, apparently. The American people view him as a fool, but unfortunately, people in Third World nations often view American fundamentalists as experts, and we see what monsters those fundamentalists become the second somebody respects them.

Of course, his contention that America is “declining” is silly. By pretty much every marker, we’re doing better than we were in 2008. Those areas which have gotten worse have, predictably, become so because of the obstinate influence of far-right conservatives like Porno Pete.

5. Folly of Secular (Pro-‘Gay’) Conservatives. The homosexual “wedding” float clearly demonstrates the folly of secular “conservatives” (like atheist S.E. Cupp) and libertarians who argue that legalized homosexual “marriage” is a conservative proposition. Radically remolding God-given institutions to celebrate sin—and modeling such deviance and confusion as normal to impressionable children—is hardly “conservative.” In fact, it is the essence of the Left’s destructive Sexual Revolution. Republicans will seal their own demise if they foolishly embrace counterfeit “marriage” and other aspects of homosexualism, replacing their pro-family Platform.

Now you can really tell this is a canned piece that has absolutely nothing to do with a parade float. Porno Pete, as usual, fails to understand that it was his cohort that co-opted the idea of “conservatism,” and that their desire to legislate everyone into following their absurd version of “morality” is absolutely antithetical to any sort of historical conservatism. Partisan Democrats should be happy to see that the “moral majority” folks are still willing to destroy the GOP over this issue. Do they never want to win the under-50 vote again?

6. Demonizing Christians as ‘Haters’ and ‘Bigots.’ As the Phil Robertson/Duck Dynasty controversy shows, homosexual groups like GLAAD regularly smear moral and religious critics with malicious slurs like “Bigots, Haters, and Homophobes.” Opposing homosexualism (the ideology of proud homosexuality as a “civil right”) in all its forms is not “hate.” Rather, it is being faithfully obedient to our loving, holy Creator. True Christians should offer the hope of the life-changing gospel—not counterfeit “marriage”—to homosexuals. Jesus has helped many people like Michael Glatze abandon homosexual sin.

This Michael Glatze? Not exactly the portrait of stability I’d be trotting out to bolster my case, Pete. And what does the racist guy from Duck Dynasty have to do with a damn parade float? Does Charisma magazine have any semblance of an editor who will send things back with notes like “Worse word salad than Sarah Palin, please try again?”

7. Faithful Christians Must Speak Out Now. The unbiblical “progressive evangelical” and liberal Catholic movement to affirm unrepentant homosexuals as “Christians” serves Satan’s agenda, not God’s. (Substitute another sexual sin for “gay” and see if it makes sense: Would the Rose Parade allow a live incestuous “union” atop one of its floats?)

Bible-believing Christians must speak out against the agenda to normalize homosexuality—especially since children are its target. If Christians will not resist the evil specter of homosexual “marriage,” who will?

Oh, Porno Pete. Faithful Christians are speaking out. Indeed, those progressive evangelicals and liberal Catholics are the only Christians who have a chance of keeping the church alive in West in the long-term. It’s an uphill climb for them, of course, as 80-90% of young people see the church as primarily a judgmental, hypocritical and anti-gay institution. Droves of them no longer want anything to do with it. The more you “speak out,” Porno Pete, the more you’re driving a nail into the coffin of your movement. I’d suggest that you stop speaking, but then you’d have to get a real job, and people like you tend to be unemployable outside the wingnut welfare circuit.

So there you have it. Porno Pete’s “Seven Lessons On Why Some Parade Float Took All The Joy Out Of My New Year’s Eve Dildo Display Picture Post.”