fischerShovel, shovel, shovel

Bryan Fischer got on the internet again.

I’ve never seen a wingnut double down on his insanity at such a rapid clip. I’m starting to worry if he’s taking time to eat or sleep.

So, if I must (and yes, I must), let’s deconstruct what Bryan said this time:

If homosexuality were against the law

If I could give the world a gift…

Laws proscribing homosexual conduct can be found in the Middle Assyrian Law Codes dating back to 1075 BC. To my knowledge, the Middle Assyrians have never been part of the vast, right-wing conspiracy, which gives the lie to the myth that only blue-nosed prudes who believe in the Judeo-Christian tradition have ever found fault with sodomy.

Hello straw man argument! Hello completely manufactured myth!

Every state in the Union at the time of the Founding had laws which made homosexual behavior illegal. In fact, that noted icon of the left, Thomas Jefferson, wrote a law for the state of Virginia that mandated castration as punishment for two men apprehended for male-to-male friskiness.

Thomas Jefferson, that paragon of sexual virtue…but please, let’s keep appealing to history, long before the evil science started refuting centuries of ill-informed bias. The good old days, as far as fundamentalists are concerned.

Sodomy was a felony offense in all 50 states as recently as 1962, and was still a felony in the other 49 states ten years later. Still today, 12 states have sodomy statutes on the books, although our meek acquiescence to judicially activist rulings from the Supreme Court have rendered those unenforceable.

That judicially activist court that somehow wasn’t judicially activist when they issued the Citizens United v. FEC ruling, or any other ruling that wingnuts like.

By the way, it’s silly to criticize a law just because it’s old and antiquated. The First Amendment has been around for 219 years, and I don’t hear anybody saying we’ve got to get rid of it because it’s so out of date. The issue is not how old a law is but how right it is.

Correct! And that’s why the judicial system is catching up with the idea of LGBT equality. The First Amendment stands on its merits, based on all the facts available, and bigoted anti-gay laws do not!

This raises the question, then, as to whether sodomy laws should be, or legitimately have been, repealed just because they are rarely enforced.

The answer to this is a clear and unequivocal “No.”

Based on Bryan’s tenuous grasp of reality, I’m having a hard time figuring out how the words “clear” and “unequivocal” could be appropriate, considering the utter lack of evidence for his arguments.

Think for a moment of the current social controversies that could potentially be avoided if homosexual conduct was still against the law.

Imagine there’s no gayness…it’s easy if you try…no Ellen on my teevee…and no guys kissing guys…

Gays in the military: problem solved. We shouldn’t make a place for habitual felons in the armed forces. End of discussion, end of controversy. If someone objects, ask them which other felonies the military ought to overlook in screening recruits.

Then Bryan wouldn’t have to worry about the fact that men like Lt. Dan Choi are stronger, more valiant, and more manly than he ever will be.

Gay marriage: problem solved. We should never legalize unions between any two people when the union is forged specifically to engage in felony behavior. Would we sanction, for instance, the formation of a corporation whose stated purpose was to import illegal drugs?

Yeah, and then fundamentalist Christians could continue to have their gay sex the natural way: off AOL chat, on business trips, behind their wives’ backs…

Gay indoctrination in the schools: problem solved. We don’t want to raise a generation of schoolchildren to believe that felony behavior is perfectly appropriate. That’s why we spend so much money warning students about the danger of drugs.

Bryan’s reliance on this drug parallel is frankly silly. People who use drugs aren’t born that way. All reputable professional mental health and medical associations acknowledge that homosexuality is not a disorder, and that it’s a perfectly natural characteristic of some people. A more appropriate parallel for Bryan’s argument is to change the word “gay” to “black” in each of his arguments.

Hate crimes laws: problem solved. We wouldn’t throw a pastor in jail for saying that illegal behavior is not only illegal but also immoral. For instance, he’s free to say that murder is not only contrary to man’s law but also to God’s law. End of the threat to freedom of religion and speech.

Lyin’ Bryan. Sheesh, these people will continue to lie about anything and everything, as long as it serves their purpose. It’s really funny, because the Biblical command against lying gets a lot more prominent spot than any limited condemnation of same-sex behavior. But fundamentalists really only pretend to acknowledge nine commandments. I’m surprised they haven’t had that part scrubbed, to be honest. Pastors are only liable if they incite violence. They can preach whatever knuckle-dragging disproven crap they want, as long as they’re not actively encouraging their demon sheep* to go assault or kill gay people. Good lord. It’s sad that we have to keep saying it, because the texts of these laws are easily accessible to anyone with a 7th grade reading level.

Special rights for homosexuals in the workplace: problem solved. No employer should be forced to hire admitted felons to work for him. End of the threat to freedom of religion and freedom of association in the marketplace.

The right to be hired for a job based on our qualifications is, to Bryan Fischer, a special right. What jobs should we be allowed to have, pray tell? God knows.

This list could actually be extended, but you get the point.

There was a point? Beyond the fact that Bryan Fischer is a deeply disturbed little man who is so frightened of gay people that he wants us out of every aspect of American life? That his faith is so weak that he can’t handle the sight or sound of people who think differently from him? That he’s a Christo-fascist of the highest order, and that, if we’re to believe the Gospel accounts, the Jesus depicted therein would spit him out like like the little Pharisee he is?

If you want more Bryan (you masochist), Alan Colmes interviewed him last night. I haven’t listened to it yet, but Kyle at Right Wing Watch reports that it was pretty meandering, as Alan kept trying to get him to justify his “logic,” and Fischer evaded his every question. Also, Alan apparently used the word “weasel” a lot, which seems appropriate.

*Thanks, Carlyforniawesome, for giving us the best phrase ever!