The Tuffest Teabagger This Side Of Scott BrownYippee!

Matt Barber looks upon the Massachusetts election of Naked McGee and finds vindication! Let’s check out his latest “right hook,” line-by-line:

So much for that whole “hopey-changey” thing; cute while it lasted, but the American people — like Bernie Madoff investors — now realize they’ve been duped. “Change” for the mere sake of change is simply chump change.

The American people wanted a solid quarter and all they got was these pennies.

The seismic political shift that occurred in Massachusetts Tuesday night can’t be overstated.

You’re doing it right now, Bam Bam.

Obama’ Marxist, secular-humanist agenda — shared by Pelosi, Reid and the rest of the elitist, Eurocentric left — just ain’t gonna fly in the good ole’ USA. Not even in liberal Massachusetts.

Yeah, that French Mormon Harry Reid and that crazy secular humanist Catholic mother of six Nancy Pelosi! Elite Europeans, both of them! Also, Obama’s approval rating among voters in the special election is 61%. Details, details…

(I’m a right-wing “redneck,” you say? Well, tough tea party!)

I really wouldn’t know how tough your teabagging is, Matt. I guess we’ll have to ask Peter.

Old Teddy’ baby, of course, was socialized medicine, and Brown’ election may well force both Teddy’ and Obama’ signature issue off the duo’ Faux-topian “bridge to nowhere.” (Let’ call it “Mary Jo’ revenge.”)

Dead people don’t need healthcare reform, you see. And where DID that “bridge to nowhere” phrase come from again? I never can remember.

Those of us who prayed for a miracle to derail this ObamaCare monstrosity — passage of which seemed a foregone conclusion just weeks ago — have witnessed, along with the rest of the world, perhaps the greatest political upset in American history. It’ just that: a miracle. (God really does have a sense of humor, doesn’t he?)

Right hook from the JC, holla!

Many social conservatives (of which I’m one) have complained that the senator-elect is woefully flawed on social issues — particularly abortion. This is true.

Ha ha, God does have a sense of humor! Here, wingnuts! It’s a Republican, but it takes its pants off all the time and supports reproductive rights!

Still, to my pro-life, pro-family compatriots, I offer this: While bleeding to death, one may be left no choice but to apply a tourniquet. A tourniquet is less than ideal. It may even cost a limb; however, it’ also likely to save one’ life. Obama has sliced open America’ wrists with his cutting political agenda. Time is of the essence. By providing Senate Republicans the crucial 41st vote needed to filibuster, Scott Brown supplies the tourniquet.

Wait, who is the tourniquet in this mangled metaphor? And why is Obama slitting our wrists? He doesn’t want to kill us, but he just wants attention? Maybe he just wants to be blood brothers, like Michele Bachmann said.

Consequently, ObamaCare may well wither on the vine. From a practical standpoint, countless innocents may be spared. How? We know that Obama’ preferred Senate plan would require taxpayer funding for abortion on demand.

No it doesn’t, you dingbat. Therefore the next few paragraphs you’re going to type are absolutely meaningless. Two words: Hyde Amendment.

Therefore, it’ no stretch, in my opinion, to conclude that Brown’ election — should ObamaCare go down as expected — may have saved untold thousands, if not millions, of lives.

It’s no stretch when you’re lying! So true, so true.

I and others will not rest until he, and all who have been so deceived by the euphemistic language of “choice” and “reproductive freedom,” likewise recognize that all persons — whether born or pre-born — share an “inalienable right to life” that in every instance trumps another’ phantom “right to choose” premeditated murder.

Heh, right. Scott Brown lives in a house full of women. I have a sneaking suspicion they’d bust his teabags if he all of a sudden decided they shouldn’t have the freedom to make their own choices.

One, two, skip a few paragraphs, because they’re boring. It’s basically a bunch of crap about how this special election against a really awful Democratic candidate somehow was a HUGE repudiation of Obamunistofascisosexualistislamopelosiism, and specifically healthcare, even though the citizens of Massachusetts already have universal healthcare, which they sort of like, and polls show that 82% of Obama voters who went for Brown supported a public option in healthcare (i.e. MORE SOSHULIST! when translated into Teabag). Also, the public option still sports a 22% advantage among American voters. More details!

Still, we mustn’t ignore the enormity of Scott Brown’ victory.

Rawr! It is hard to ignore that kind of, erm, enormity.

Massachusetts Democrats, Independents and Republicans alike — and the American majority by proxy — are, once again (remember November’ GOP sweep in NJ and VA) rejecting Obama’ radical leftist agenda generally and the government takeover of healthcare specifically.

Latte-sipping Massachusetts elites have their finger on the pulse of America. Bam Bam said it, not me. Also, two governor’s races are a sweep against what’s going on at the federal level!

They remain determined “to do that voodoo that they do.” Yes, Democratic leadership appears undaunted, evidently intending to sprinkle pixie dust on their pet healthcare zombie in hopes that it may yet claw its way back from the grave (sorry for the mixed metaphor).

That’s the only one you’re sorry for?

Democrats defiantly insist that they will instead hit the accelerator, rushing the ObamaCare freight train yet more rapidly toward the cliff’ edge.

Pixie dust-bedazzled pet zombie is now on a choo-choo in Thelma and Louise, I think.

So, it would seem that, despite Tuesday’ crushing blow in Massachusetts, both the Obama administration and congressional leadership — in dogged defiance of America’ expressed will — have, nonetheless, made a political suicide pact. It’ Socialism or bust.

Okay, so time for some facts. Public support for healthcare reform tanked when the public option (TEH SOSHULIZMS) was taken out. It tanked when they started buying off Conservadems like Holy Joe Lieberman and Ben Nelson. Before that, despite the fapping and moaning of the teabaggers, public support for comprehensive healthcare reform was consistently over 50%, and support for a public option was even higher, as long as it was explained correctly. (Screaming like crazed crack addicts about “gubmint takeovers!” doesn’t count as “informing the public.” Sorry.) Polling did not change after the sweatiest, teabaggiest August on record, when grunting hordes of fail descended on town hall meetings and stunk up the place for everybody. In fact, much of the change in polling results on the Senate bill came from progressives who were pissed off that the public option and more progressive reforms had been bargained away. If Matt had been paying attention to the healthcare debate on the internet (I mean, don’t work too hard, Matt…just check in with Memeorandum every now and then), he might have noticed that progressives have been fighting like cats and dogs (and fires and lakes) ever since President Lieberman started hovering over the proceedings like a…well, like a teabagger.

Again, details!

Anyway, ’til next time, Bam Bam…and I’m sure there will be a next time.

Man, where the hell is Lisa Miller anyway?