hahahahahahaGordon Klingenschmitt is no stranger to bald-faced lying, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that, as Right Wing Watch reports, after he went on the David Pakman Show and failed to come up with any ways that marriage equality hurts his own marriage, he has now fabricated seven supposedly deleterious effects out of thin air. Here they are:

1. It has made our traditional marriage less valuable in the eyes of the state.

No, it hasn’t. Other couples’ marriages are now viewed as being as valuable as yours. The fact that it makes you feel like less of a man is irrelevant.

2. It has forced Christian couples to pay more taxes to make up for the homosexual “bonus pay” now issued by as tax-benefits given to gay “married” couples.

Your tax rates went up? When and by how much? How was this not reported by any news media?

3. It has de-valued by inflation our dollars in our family’s bank accounts by increasing the national debt to pay for more government benefits for gay “married” couples, for which the Fed must print new dollars to pay such debt.

Really? The national debt has gone up because of gay couples? Yet again, how has no news media reported on this? Because you made it up, Gordon.

4. It has taken away the rights of Christian couples and Catholic charities to foster or adopt children in states like Massachusetts, as my friend Amy Contrada proves here.

No, it hasn’t. Catholic Charities shut down because they weren’t willing to comply with the law while still receiving sweet, sweet government cash. They were not forced to do anything. Sorry, but you don’t get special rights in the public square just because you’re a bigot.

5. It has hurt our national security and therefore our family’s safety by de-funding benefits given to straight couples or weapon systems and re-distributing those Pentagon dollars to gay “married” couples.

Really? Yet again, how has no news media reported on this? It’s almost as if, on top of the fact that he’s just making up bullshit, Gordon is so completely removed from the realm of common sense and reality that he actually thinks someone out there will think he’s making sense.

6. It has hurt our ability to worship Almighty God in a Christian chapel building whose altar has been desecrated by homosexual “weddings” depriving us of a sacred worship space.

Really? Your church has been forced to perform gay weddings? Because somehow I doubt you go to a friendly, welcoming church, Gordon. Moreover, no church will ever be required to perform gay weddings, and newsflash, but we wouldn’t want to get married in whatever pit of bigotry and despair you attend on a weekly basis.

7. It has threatened our family’s religious freedom in countless ways, as I explain here.

And if you follow the “here” link, you are treated to twenty-eight minutes of Gordon Klingenschmitt whining and making stuff up. Truly, the saddest/funniest part of the Religious Right’s reaction to the advance of equality is just how wild their claims of victimhood really are, so untethered are they from anything that is actually happening in the real world.

I’m sorry, but the rest of us are not required to give up our Constitutional rights, even if it gives you fever dreams, Gordon.

If I thought about it more, I’m sure I could develop a longer list.

I have no doubt that if Gordon sat at his computer a little longer, he could make up more things.

But the fact is, yes David, my own marriage has been adversely impacted (as I said twice on your show), and yet my love for my wife and my relationship with her remains faithful and unchanged.

So it’s been “adversely impacted” by things Gordon made up, and yet it’s as strong as ever. Get this man into the next edition of Foxe’s Book Of Martyrs!

UPDATE: Good catch from commenter ThomasT below. I didn’t read Klingenschmitt’s link under number four, just assuming it’s their normal whine about Catholic Charities and whatnot. Apparently, it’s a new whine about something fake, as Thomas explains:

However, your response to his #4 is off – if you follow the link, their complaint isn’t about how Catholic Charities shut down b/c they would be required to allow same-sex couples to adopt if they worked within the state-funded system. This is a new whine, about the fact that the Mass DCF is now working to ensure that LGBTQ youth under their care will be placed in foster homes where they are not shamed, abused or otherwise attacked for their sexual identity. This inability to use the state to bring troubled children in to their homes and traumatize them further with their bigotry is the damage to Klingenschmitt’s marriage that he is claiming in #4.

Thanks, Thomas!