gruceI’ve almost written this post four times in the past week. For some reason (because I’m a professional!) I still subscribe to the self-loathing Homo-Cons over at Gay Patriot, just to see what they’re doing on a day to day basis to slow the tide of equality. Unfortunately, for them and for us, they have had a banner week. It’s simply striking to witness out of the closet gay individuals who can’t seem to find anything positive in the progress for full equality, a full equality that includes them! No, just like all wingnuts, their motivation for waking up in the morning is to “stick it to the libruls,” after which they likely eat dinner and then think about all the ways they’re going to “stick it to the libruls” in the morning.

Instead of actually parsing what they have said over the past week, I will issue a series of “shorters.” If you don’t know what a “shorter” is, click here.

So, without further ado:

Major Gay Rights Protection Legislation Passed by NC GOP State House: The only kinds of gay rights laws we like aren’t actually gay rights at all. It’s all about giving people more guns, which means that more gays will have guns, because people are hiding around every corner to attack us, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Jason Collins – Obama and Democrat Hack: We hate Jason Collins because, like virtually every other quality LGBT human being in the United States, he is a Democrat who likes Obama, therefore he is a “librul we gon stickitoo.”

Rhode Island recognizes gay marriages the right way: We continue to believe that we are so worthless that our happiness should be left up to the whims of the majority. If they do not like us, we obviously do not deserve to be part of the American arrangement.

Guest Post: My Ever Devolving Stance on Gay Marriage: I am obviously single, never having known the love of a man. Moreover, I don’t view my possibilities for love as being anywhere near on par with my straight friends. In fact, I’m not sure I want to call myself “gay” anymore. It’s all just too embarrassing.

Basketball player comes out; “I could care less”: I don’t watch sports, but I still think this whole Jason Collins thing is no big deal. Again, I don’t watch sports.

Jason Collins Is No Hero; Mark Bingham Was: I can’t be happy for Jason Collins because in my fever dreams, I imagine that gay libruls don’t revere Mark Bingham enough. Also, BENGHAAAAAAAZZIIZIZIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!@!111111!!!!!

And that is what Homo-Cons are up to this week.