Satan's little helperWho would have thought that when the Dark Lord Of The Universe decided to write the Ten Commandments for Gays, he would speak them into being through some Canadian wingnut that nobody’s ever heard of? But apparently that’s what happened, because if you go to the Renoo ‘Murica website, you will find just that: “Satan’s 10 Commandments to the Homosexual Lobby,” written by the man who is apparently Satan’s Little Helper, Paul Kokoski. He must be a really low-grade wingnut because I’ve never heard of him. Regardless, let’s see what they are and make fun of them, because I’m up early and I’m in a good mood:

1) Always see your sexual opponent (anyone who rejects homosexual acts) as the enemy. Project what they see as your sexual disorder onto them by repetitiously calling them “homophobes”;

Anyone who rejects homosexual acts is my “sexual opponent?” I’ve been doing this all wrong. How do we know who wins? I don’t really care about people who “reject homosexual acts,” though. I more wish they would just live their own damn lives (without fighting against my constitutional rights) and let me live mine.

2) Separate the act of sex from its natural purpose of procreation by referring to all homosexual relationships as expressions of “love” rather than “lust”

Because straight people do not experience lust, apparently. I feel sorry for people whose lives are filled with such shame that they can’t just enjoy sex.

3) Fight to deny those who oppose homosexual acts their right to free of speech. At the same time enforce your own right to free speech on others by copiously using the liberal media and other outlets to label your opponents every unsavory thing from “bigot” to “idiot.” Use the words “equality” and “hate” often and unrelentingly as if only you – the homosexual – understand their meaning. If anyone objects, accuse them of discrimination. Keep in mind that politicians and judges are your friends. Many of them are openly practicing homosexuals and the rest, swayed by power and the almighty dollar, will do anything for your vote. Remember, too, that in today’s politically correct and morally relativistic society there is no objective moral order and that it often takes only one civil judge to side in your favor for you to achieve your ends;

Oh, we do not fight to deny anyone their right to free speech. The wingnut is confused because he thinks “freedom of speech” includes an imaginary right not to be mocked when you say something that intelligent people interpret as stupid. But yes, I would argue that we do have a better understanding of the word “equality.” Moreover, it may only take one judge to side with you, but, well, most judges are siding with us, and many of them were appointed by Republicans.

4) Use the “race card” unceasingly against your enemy by equating homosexual behaviour (which can change) with a person’s color (which, by one’s will alone, cannot). Most people don’t know the difference;

What is this “by one’s will alone” thing? Can you pray away your race?!

But I will point out that the National Organization for Marriage has quite a history of using the race card, themselves. Also, LGBT people come in all colors, and we have allies of all colors. Next?

5) Build yourself up in the eyes of the indifferent masses – who are mere sheep – by claiming to be a modern person of tolerance and peace – one who is accepting of all. The people will believe you because in today’s materialistic word people are focused primarily on themselves and their own gain. They have little or no concern for what others do as long as it does not effect them. Ridicule and undermine the intelligence of your more worthy opponents by resorting to ambiguity and sarcasm. Never resist a chance to claim that they are living in the “Dark Ages”;

Dude. If you all had anything to ridicule, you would and could. The reason we are able to is because we are smarter, we’re on the right side of the issue and well, you kind of ARE living in the Dark Ages.

6) Act and speak as if homosexuals have a corner on the truth and that they alone – not their opponents – can demand of society what is right and wrong. Use every form of deceit imaginable including the use of straw man arguments and false scientific studies – anything that will appeal to the simpleton. Lie, deceive, put on a false front. Pretend you are a friend. Talk of peace and brotherhood. Make pledges of co-operation and mutual assistance. In short, destroy your opponent with a kiss;

Projection. Next:

7) Confuse the distinction between “hating the sin” and “loving the sinner.” This is an absolute must since everyone – especially parents – know the time-honored value of disciple and “tough love.” This can be effectively achieved by introducing special “anti-bullying” laws into schools that aim at protecting homosexuals from the enemy. If you find that someone suspects your true motives and resists on the grounds that homosexuals should not be given special status in this regard or that such laws are merely an attempt to normalize homosexuality in society, use both the “equality” and the “separation of church and state” card against them;

Because “hating the sin” and “loving the sinner” does not exist as regards LGBT people, because Christian Fundamentalists must first deny reality ABOUT LGBT people in order to make that work in their heads. We see through it because we are not stupid, and we understand that this is about who people ARE, no matter how much Christian wingnuts want to tell themselves that it’s about “changeable behavior” or whatever.

8) Never lose sight of the fact that God is your ultimate enemy. Attack God and all religion as something oppressive, hypocritical and evil. This is easily done by take biblical quotes out of context to suit your own purpose and meaning. At the same time avoid all talk of the murderous regimes of atheists like Hitler and Stalin;

Most LGBT people are Christians. Next:

9) Assure everyone that no religion will be made to suffer from societies’ acceptance of homosexuality. Speak always and often of equality and co-existence. Claim, as a sham, snare, and illusion, that tradition marriage and homosexual marriage can live side-by-side in complete harmony. Dismiss as silly and unviable any attempt to show that the “Pill” – which was introduced to separate and tear asunder the act of sex from the gift of life – has led to the disintegrated of the family. At the same time, and wherever possible, work diligently behind the scenes to drag your religious opponent into court whenever his moral values even begin to clash with yours. Test and try every court until you find a judge who is your friend. Especially work on religious adoption agencies and church ministers who lecture on the evils of homosexuality and same-sex marriage in their sermons. Where this is not possible infiltrate the priesthood so as to corrupt religion from within,

Did he literally just bring birth control into this and try to blame gays for it? Wingnut, dear: people have been having sex for fun as long as sex has existed. This is not new. Birth-control pills simply make it easier to have heterosexual sex without bringing unwanted children into the world. And the thing about the priesthood, um, well. Also not our fault.

10) Redefine joyful and well-established words and symbols like “marriage,” “spouse,” “gay” and “rainbow” and attach them to homosexual acts in order to give sin an innocent, natural and pleasing appeal.

“Marriage” is still a joyful word when gays are married. So is “spouse.” The word “gay” evolved to take on a new meaning, yes. And as far as I know, we have not redefined the word “rainbow.” Pretty sure it still describes those things in the sky after it rains.

This, in effect, is the homosexual lobby manifesto that is sweeping the world. Yes indeed folks, Satan is among us!

And Satan spoke it into existence, through the wingnut named Paul Kokoski.

Okay, then, that was fun.