doyleReal psychotherapists and counselors undergo years of training and schooling in order to give their patients the best, most productive care possible. But when you work in a field that actually isn’t real, and is moreover condemned by all major medical and mental health organizations, you don’t have to go through all that rigamarole. Did you know that, in fact, you can learn how to de-gay folks over a long weekend with complimentary continental breakfasts at an undisclosed hotel near the airport in Baltimore? Yes, Christopher Doyle of Voice of the Voiceless, who still won’t admit how old the little girls were that he tried to molest in his mother’s daycare when he was younger, and Richard Cohen, who has been seen on video cuddling his male patients and beating pillows with tennis rackets as a way to release aggression against Mommy, are holding a special seminar where, for the low, low price of $299 ($275 if you register early!), you can become a certified quack therapist:

This groundbreaking Counselor Training Program is the first of its kind in the world, detailing a comprehensive approach for:

1. helping men and women who question their sexuality and/or experience unwanted same-sex attraction

2. assisting family and friends with LGBTQU loved ones.

Come and learn how to help men and women struggling with unwanted same-sex attraction experience freedom and transformation.

All participants who attend will receive a Certificate of Attendance for Sexual Orientation Training and Education.

A Certificate as a Certified Sexual Orientation Coach will be mailed to those who complete all the requirements within one year of the final day of this training.

Facilitators: Richard Cohen, M.A., Christopher Doyle, M.A.

$299 per person

May 1-3, 2014–3-day Seminar
Hotel near Baltimore-Washington Intl Airport
Hanover, Maryland 

Facilitators: Richard Cohen, M.A., Christopher Doyle, M.A.

$299 per person ($275 for early registration)
$849 per team (up to 3 representatives) ($799 for early registration)

Sweet Lord, a de-gaying certificate of your very own!

Richard Cohen, of course, lost his credentials as a counselor in good standing with the American Counseling Association years ago. If you’d like to register for what will surely be a well-attended, exciting event (Doyle has been known to attract anywhere from ten to thirty people at his “ex-gay” events, as long as you count people who are paid to be there), the form is right here.

[h/t Edge On The Net, who point out that you probably have to bring your own tennis racket and pillow to the conference]