Can’t imagine why parents wouldn’t want them coaching their kids.

Dave Daubenmire, the flamboyant former coach whose “News With Views” segments we mock regularly — oh, just click here for every time I’ve written about him — recently was turned down for a football coaching job, likely in large part due to his rabid, unhealthy anti-gay hysteria, which he for some reason posts online where humans can see it. Right Wing Watch has the background on that if you’re not familiar:

Readers of this blog know “Coach” Dave Daubenmire best as the rabidly anti-gay Religious Right activist and full-blown conspiracy theorist who is perfectly willing to defend the infamous “God Hates Fags” Westboro Baptist Church while declaring that not allowing Christians to bully gays is itself a form of bullying against Christians.

But what a lot of people may not know is that the “Coach” in his name is quite literal, as he is also a high school football coach … or at least he has been in the past, since he has been fired several times from previous coaching positions.

Given his tendency to get fired, Daubenmire is currently available for hire and, amazingly, he is now the finalist for a head coaching position at a public high school in Ohio.

Yeah, it didn’t work out. The school board voted against him, and ever since, he has been knocking on the door of any D-list wingnut who will listen to him air his grievances. So that’s how he found Linda Harvey, the most homophobic woman in America. He and Linda had a nice time whining about how they’re being fake persecuted by all the gay bullies. Indeed, he believes that everyone against him is obviously a child of the Devil, doing the Devil’s work, which reminds me of the old adage about how truly insane people believe that they’re the only truly sane ones out there:

Over the weekend, Daubenmire took his sob story to Linda Harvey’s radio program where he asserted that he was denied this coaching position simply because he believes that marriage ought to be between one man and one woman.

Anyone even vaguely familiar with Daubenmire’s videos knows that it not at all true, as he has a long history of saying outrageous and bigoted things; a tendency which he demonstrated once again during this very interview with Harvey when he asserted that people who criticize him are pawns of Satan, lamented that society has gotten to a point where people are no longer ashamed of being gay, and likened gay marriage to pedophilia and incest.

They truly don’t realize how they sound to normal people. That’s why we like quoting them verbatim, spreading their words to wider audiences than would ever see or hear them otherwise:

Harvey: These are the folks that are the biggest bullies of all …

Daubenmire: To stand up and blatantly and boldly and without a conscience right at your face, I don’t know how people can do that other than they’re of their father, the Devil and the works of their father they will do. That’s the only way I can explain it.

Everyone else is working for the Devil, and Linda and Dave are the only righteous ones. What a burden!

Harvey: I truly believe that’s the case too. These folks are not operating out of a Christian goodness of anybody’s heart because they do not love the truth.

Linda Harvey, expert on Christian Goodness. Take a bow, madame.

Daubenmire: What ever happened to shame, Linda? See, there was a day when someone would not come out of the closet because it was shameful. You didn’t want people to know that about you. And unfortunately, sexual behavior is a behavior, it’s not an orientation, it’s a behavior. And you and I know that many of the people who are caught in the homosexual lifestyle, Linda, they’re switch-hitters. They swing both ways. So I ask people, are you born bi-sexual? Are you born a pedophile? I mean, we’ve got to begin thinking this stuff through, especially as Christians and unfortunately we just have not given a great deal of thought to it but rather just swallow what the liberals try to cram down our throat.

Actually, according to real scientists, sexual orientation is real, whether or not Linda and Dave choose to believe it. It doesn’t really matter what they believe, honestly, because, as we discussed this morning, science is true whether or not you choose to believe it. It’s still there, just being science! I’m not sure what Dave is talking about when he mentions that so many of us in the “homosexual lifestyle” are “switch-hitters.” That’s a sexual orientation called “bisexuality,” and yes, some people are born that way. I’m not dignifying the moronic pedophile comment with a response. Instead, we will simply pause to giggle about yet another wingnut yet again whining about things being shoved down his throat.

Linda, I have people say to me, you know, they say all the time Coach that you discriminate. I say tell me where the discrimination is. I can’t marry a man and the guy next door to me can’t marry a man. Either one of us can marry a woman.

They say you guys get to marry the one you love. I say that’s not true. I can’t marry my daughter. I can’t marry three women. I can’t marry my son. I can’t marry whoever I want to just because of love. That’s not it. But see again, we’re not real clear in our own thinking about some of the lines that they’re hooking us up with.

Oh, now you’re just being willfully stupid, Dave. When we say that everybody deserves the right to marry the person they love, you and I know both know that we’re talking about a special kind of romantic love that drives two consenting adults to decide to commit their lives to each other. It’s only really weird wingnuts who start talking about marrying their daughters and sons. The good news is that, every time a normal American hears a bizarrely anti-gay human talking that nonsense, we get closer and closer to full equality.

Harvey: The reason this agenda is advancing is because people are willfully ignorant.

Nah, it’s because they don’t have the sort of personal problems that would lead a person to commit his or her life to anti-gay hatred.

Listen to this drivel: