stevekingIowa Rep. Steve King made hilarious headlines this week when he argued that gays don’t deserve civil rights protections because being gay is a “self-professed behavior” that can’t be “independently verified.” (Like religion?) Of course, he is so well-read biblically that he believes that entrepreneurs have special God-given rights to turn away gays. It’s right there in, um, one of those books. Steve’s pretty sure he read it. Watch:

He really needs independent verification of who’s gay and who’s not, so that he can know who to discriminate against. As Stephen Colbert explains, the whole “self-professed” thing is a problem:

“We’ve seen it a million times. A guy pretends to be gay, pretends to hide it ’til he’s eighteen, then he pretends to come out to his family, who pretend not to understand and pretend to shun him. He moves to the city, a few years later he meets another guy pretending to be gay, they pretend to fall in love, and he pretends to propose and they get fake engaged…”

Indeed! So much pretending.

Fortunately, Stephen Colbert has a solution! Steve King simply needs gay people to verify their gayness for him, so if you’d all be so kind as to send photos and videos to Rep. King verifying how gay you are…

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That address, again, is:

Representative Steve King
2210 Rayburn Office Building
Washington, DC 20515

As Stephen explains, it’s best to label your envelope “campaign contributions.”