Monica Cole, head of "One Million" Moms

Monica Cole, head of “One Million” Moms

The “One Million” Moms (motto: “Really, our group is just one damaged woman with a personal computer”) are at it again. We’ve repeatedly suggested that they take up real hobbies, but they are still too horrified by the fact that they’re naked under their own clothes to pursue anything productive. Last time they were freaked out by the existence of naked people portrayed in a completely unsexual way on the Discovery Channel, which tells you everything you need to know about whether National Geographic is allowed in their homes. Anything to keep their kids away from actual education, we guess. Before that, they were shocked, just shocked I tell you, that Kraft was using a naked guy to sell their salad dressing, because none of the “One Million” Moms have ever looked directly at a naked man. And so on and so forth.

Now they’re mad at Rent-A-Center, whose new commercial features naked people, portrayed in a completely non-sexual way and 100% for humor value. If kids see this commercial, they might laugh and say “boobies!” and thus, like Adam and Eve after their encounter with the serpent, become aware of the fact that they, too, are naked under their clothes. Joe is on their mailing list, and he got this letter from them:

“Dear Joe, Rent-A-Center has joined other companies in tasteless advertising. Its latest commercial begins with a man and woman walking into their store wearing nothing (their fronts and backs are pixelated) but obvious they are both n*ked. The commercial ends with a n*de man lying on a sofa with one leg propped up exposing a pixelated cr*tch. This isn’t a first for Rent-A-Center. Rent-A-Center is following a trend in crude commercials. Their last offensive commercial had a male wearing a pair of women’s th*ng p*nties peeking out over his daisy dukes while wearing a cropped tank top. This ad is airing as early as 6:00 pm ET/5:00 pm CT when children are likely watching. It is airing on numerous networks including family channels. This ad is vile and disgusting; Rent-A-Center should be ashamed of themselves.”

Yes, M*nica C*le is st*ll un*ble to t*pe w*rds l*ke NAKED, NUDE, CROTCH, THONG and PANTIES w*thout w*rrying th*t she w*ll inv*te the d*vil in to t*mpt h*r.

What a sad existence.

Here’s the commercial, which, honestly, is probably safe for work, as long as you’re not weird: