Don't tell anybody, but the people pictured above are naked under their clothes.

Don’t tell anybody, but the people pictured above are naked under their clothes.

Apparently there is a program on the Discovery Channel called “Naked And Afraid,” which, from what I can tell, is a survivalist show of some sort where contestants are dropped in the jungle without clothes and forced to start from scratch to survive.

The One Million Moms (motto: “Well, we had to kick Lurlene out of the group yesterday because the hot dogs she brought to our meeting made us think impure thoughts, but we’ll get back up to thirty members in no time!”) are shocked, offended and appalled by the very existence of the human body, and we wouldn’t be surprised if they showered in their clothes. And they are of course so very upset about this show on the Discovery Channel:

One Million Moms has taken on some of the biggest entities in American broadcasting to stand against immorality, violence and profanity in the media. Now it’s the Discovery Channel’s turn to feel the organization’s wrath.

“Oh Fiddlesticks!,” said the Discovery Channel. “We’ve done it now, haven’t we?!”

The two survivalists, one male and one female, must endure the perils of the jungle for 21 days with only one survival item of their choice. A recent episode showed the man and the woman dropped on the beach of Panama, and neither appeared modest about their nudity.

How dare the two survivalists not have deep-seated shame issues about the existence of their bodies?!

Their front sides were blurred out but not their backsides.

How dare human beings have tookuses?! What if a child sees that and realizes that grown-ups have tookuses too, before their parents are ready to explain such things to them?

Eventually coverings for their genitals were made from leaves and vines, but the man and the woman were not covered completely, as the network must continue to blur out revealed body parts from time to time.

Amazing that the survivalists’ first project didn’t involve constructing burqas.

One Million Moms considers the show soft porn.

One Million Moms considers most of human existence soft porn.

Either Discovery desperately wanted to hear from One Million Moms or the network’s writers and producers have run out of ideas for new programs,” the organization said in a release on their website. “Discovery should be ashamed to air nudity and then call it entertainment. In fact, having the cast be naked is the basis for 50 percent of the show.

It’s right there in the title! Why couldn’t they just be “afraid?”

“Please send Discovery Channel an email letter urging they cancel this offensive show ‘Naked And Afraid’ immediately. Let them know the program is inappropriate and even the commercials are offensive, and so until the program is pulled your family will not be tuning into their network to avoid being exposed to nudity when there is more suitable, family-friendly entertainment available.”

This has the added benefit of the One Million Moms’ offspring being shielded from actually encountering science. contains a section of its website called “successes.” It says that in 2012, ABC canceled its controversial show 666 Park Avenue because One Million Moms continuously contacted sponsors of the show. “Lack of advertisers played a huge part in ‘666 Park Avenue’ not returning for a second season,” the website says. The same held true for ABC’s program GCB after One Million Moms contacted that show’s advertisers.

When even Charisma magazine is putting scare quotes around “successes” when referring to your group, it’s time to pack it in.

[screenshot via Discovery Channel]