Not The Onion.

Paraguay has a new president! His name is Horacio Cartes, and he’s sort of an odd bird!

An anti-gay tobacco magnate, who compared gay people to “monkeys” and threatened to remove his private parts if his son married another man, was elected president of Paraguay Sunday.


During a recent radio interview, Cartes, compared the support of same-sex marriage to believing in “the end of the world” and threatened to become a eunuch if his 28-year old son wanted to marry another man.

“I would shoot myself in the testicles, because I do not agree,” he said, according to The New York Times. The Times reported that Cartes used slightly more profane language to describe the act.

So dramatic! “Because I disagree with you, I will now shoot myself in the balls!”

The article does point out, though, that Paraguay is kind of an outlier in this area, with marriage equality being legal in neighboring Argentina, and with several other South American nations advancing equality faster than the United States.