Rob Tisinai highlighted an amazing passage from the 1969 book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid to Ask) by David Reuben today over at Box Turtle Bulletin, and they are over there laughing at it, so I figured I’d share the joy over here as well. Explaining homosexual men, David says:
The homosexual must constantly search for the one man, the one penis, the one experience, that will satisfy him. Tragically there is no possibility of satisfaction because the formula is wrong. One penis plus one penis equals nothing. There is no substitute for heterosex—penis and vagina. Disappointed, stubborn, discouraged, defiant, the homosexual keeps trying. He is the sexual Diogenes, always looking for the penis that pleases.
That is the reason he must change partners endlessly. He tries each phallus in succession, then turns away remorsefully. “No, that’s not the one!” He is in a difficult position—condemned eternally to search after what does not exist—after what never existed.
It’s like Goldilocks! This penis is too big! This penis is too small! But there’s no “just right” in this scenario.
[Sad face.]
Also, I have my pen and scratchpad out and I keep trying to work out the penis+penis=nothing formula, but I keep ending up with a remainder of two. Help?
Rob has some more well-thought-out comments on this, so if you want to read them, click his name above, and also this. If you are like me and prefer to simply giggle, that’s fine too.
