This post from Seth Bracken about an “ex-gay” conference put on by Evergreen International in Utah is hilarious and tragic. Seth visited the conference to learn the ways of the “ex-gays,” but instead dudes just hit on him all day:

“Is this your first conference?” The plump, balding middle-aged man I was sharing an elevator with, asked.

“Yeah, it is. Yours?” I responded, happy to make a friend that might be able to show me the ins and outs of the conference.

“Nope, I’ve been to tons. I love ‘em. So many cute guys here, kind of like you,” he said as he took a step closer to me and smirked.

“You smell good, would you like to feel good?” He asked me as we landed on the ninth floor for registration.

Lovely.

Exiting the elevator quickly, I practically ran into another pleasantly plump, balding middle-aged man. Sensing I was flustered, he asked me if I was OK.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just had a very surreal experience. A guy totally came onto me in the elevator and I wasn’t exactly expecting that here,” I said offering my hand to my new friend, introducing myself.

“Well I can’t say that I blame him, you’re a cutie. What are you doing after the conference? I have my own place not far from here, would you like to come over for some fun?”

“Jesus Christ!” I blurted out far too loudly. “What the hell is going on? I thought all you guys were trying not to be gay.”

Yes, but they are not succeeding because “ex-gay” therapy is fraud. Duh.

I was propositioned more times at a conference that was supposedly changing people straight than I ever have been at a Pride festival, gay bar or party. I had guys old enough to be my father putting their arms around me, bumping up against my leg and asking to take me home.

Gross. And then there was another one later named Chad, who really, really wanted to see Seth naked. I assume that’s part of the therapy. It’s sad, though, because Chad is a married doctor and he’s trying his damnedest not to “admit defeat,” i.e. come out of the closet. So instead he goes to “ex-gay” conferences and looks for dudes to have sexytime with. How insanely tragic.

This is the “change” Alan Chambers and his buddies so passionately defend. But then again, Alan admits that he’s still into dudes, and he’s the figurehead for the entire movement, so whatever.

See also Jesus’ General’s post on this, “Ex-homosexualists are the nicest folks.”