Every time a homosexual leaves a comment on a blog, Bubba, the guardian angel of wingnuts, gets punched in the gonads. Or something like that.  The extraordinary Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association hate group has been doing a multi-part series on how gay people are the actual perpetrators of hate and hate crimes.  Reading it is the literary equivalent of watching a bumblebee slam its body into a window repeatedly, never learning anything new, looking dumber and dumber as it hits the window, backs off disoriented, flies around for a second and then plows headfirst into the window again.  In short, it’s sort of a joy to watch, if you’re into that sort of thing.

David Badash points out Part 8 of Bryan’s butthurt manifesto, where he uses a list of comments left by gays in the aftermath of Prop 8’s passage to prove that gays are the ones committing hate crimes.  First off, he calls us “Christophobic gay activists,” which I find particularly funny, as it’s yet another example of the Religious Right trying to co-opt our language, turn it around and use it for their own purposes — and it falls flat.  Fischer even tries to use his own version of the word “wingnut” to describe us.  This is enjoyable because several figures on the Right have been trying over the last couple of years to advance the idea that WE are the real haters, WE are the real wingnuts, and again, with Fischer, that WE are the ones committing hate crimes.  The reason it’s enjoyable is because there’s literally no evidence that their impotent, dishonest attempts to recapture the conversation are gaining any traction with human beings who are literate.  And we go back to the bumblebee analogy, except that the window represents reality, and no matter how many times Bryan and Porno Pete and whoever else slam their buzzing wingnut bodies up against that glass, they’re just not going to break through into reality or relevance.

Or, to make another analogy, the other night, a friend’s dog was trying, in vain, to get me to throw his ball in the backyard three hundred times or so, and I was tired and Play Time Was Over, so I just sat there as this dog would come up to my chair, plop the ball down next to me, watch it roll off and back into the yard, chase it to where it landed, bring it back, plop it in my lap, ball rolls off…this went on for a good ten minutes.  We laughed and laughed and laughed.  Of course, the dog was cute and Bryan Fischer is decidedly not.

Anyway, here are the “hate crimes” that some mean terrible gays committed either with their actual voices or on the internet.  All of these comments are just as bad as tradition-minded people, young and old, bullying, beating and bloodying gay teens, sometimes assaulting them, sometimes driving them to suicide.  We know that they’re just as bad, because fundamentalist Christians are Professional Victims above all else.  The gruesome list:

  • “You’re dead. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon … you’re dead.”
  • “I’m a gay guy who owns guns, and he’s my next target”
  • “I will kill you and your family.”
  • “Oh my G**, This woman is so f?—?ing stupid. Someone please shoot her in the head, again and again. And again.”
  • “I’m going to kill the pastor.”
  • “We’re going to kill you.”
  • “I warn you, I know how to kill, I’m an ex-?special forces person.”
  • “Get ready for retribution all you bigots.”
  • Burn their f?—?ing churches to the ground, and then tax the charred timbers.”
  • “I will kill you and your family.”
  • “If I had a gun I would have gunned you down along with each and every other supporter.”
  • “Keep letting [the pastor] preach hate and he’ll be sorry.”
  • “You better stay off the olympic peninsula. . it’s a very dangerous place filled with people who hate racists, gay bashers and anyone who doesn’t believe in equality. fair is fair.”
  • “If Larry Stickney can do ‘legal’ things that harm OUR family, why can’t we go to Arlington,WA to harm his family?”
  • “I advocate using violence against the property of ALL of those who are working tirelessly toHURT my family; starting with churches and government property. Government is enabling a vote on whether or not I ‘should be allowed’ to see my husband while he is dying in the hospital?—?any NORMAL man would be driven to get a gun and kill those who tried such evil cruelty against his loved ones.”
  • “I wanna fight you. I wanna fight you right now.”
  • “Throw Rocks Here” (sign with arrow pointing to pastor’s head)
  • “You guys deserve to die” (uttered during a physical attack)
  • “I’ll bust your cap.”
  • “You’re on my block now, bro. [If] you guys don’t leave within 20 minutes, there’s gonna be some problems.… I’m telling you right now, 20 minutes.”
  • “[I’ll] see you in my trunk.”
  • “I’m going to give them something to be f?–?ing scared of.…I’m a radical who is now on a
  • mission to make them all pay for what they’ve done.”
  • “STUPID MOTHER F*****. MAKE A DONATION Like that AND YOU ARE LISTED.”
  • “YOU LOST!!!!!!! Hahahahahahahahahaha Get ready for retribution all you bigots!!!!!!” (email sent within hours of Supreme Court’s decision in Doe v. Reed)
  • “You conservative Christians are f****** poison.”
  • “Can someone in CA please go burn down the Mormon temples there, PLEASE. I mean seriously. DO IT.”
  • “F*** you Mormons. Yeah you heard me. F*** you. F*** you and your narrow minded hypocritical a****. F*** you for putting money into taking away a persons right.…”
  • “As far as mormons and catholics…I warn them to watch their backs.”
  • “Oh Mormons, go f*** yourselves!” (sung to cheering crowds at same-?sex marriage demonstrations)
  • “The Mormon church (just like most churches) is a cesspool of filth. It is a breeding ground for oppression of all sorts and needs to be confronted, attacked, subverted and destroyed.”
  • “I fully support violence against churches who are politically-?active as anti-?gay .…”
  • “If you were afraid that your kids learning about homosexuals would corrupt them, you have no IDEA what I’m going to do to them.”

Okay, now TO BE CLEAR:  Any comment left on this blog which ever threatens violence against any person, or type of person, or church, or anything else, will result in a mindblowingly fast application of the ban-hammer.  That crap is not welcome here.  Luckily, our readers don’t really tend to fly off the handle like that.

My thing, though, is that we know that fundamentalist, theocratic trolls aren’t victims of hate crimes in this country, like ever.  So, we can have an argument over whether it’s appropriate to blow off steam in this way in anonymous internet comments — I would suggest that it is not — but the real world application is that it’s still our side which has to deal with a bodycount inflicted by perpetrators and students of the fundamentalist wingnut worldview.

And of course, it’s not like these isolated examples of mean comments from gays are unique to our side.  Indeed, as David points out, more hate and violence are spewed in a single day of posting on Michelle Malkin’s blog or Free Republic than has come from gays in the entire past several years.  And I will also second David’s suggestion that the fact that Bryan Fischer is having to use blog comments to find evidence of a Wave Of Anti-Christian Hate Crimes is sad, pathetic and freakish to watch [my words, not David’s].  But as I said, it’s enjoyable because, like the bumblebee, Bryan is just repeatedly slamming against that window, hoping for a different result each time, and his entire side is getting weaker and more disoriented in the process.

So we shake our heads and watch and marvel at the variance in brain capacity and function throughout the animal kingdom.