If you read between the lines in Exodus President Alan Chambers Christmas newsletter, it is obvious that he still is attracted to dudes and struggling mightily not to fall off the “ex-gay” wagon. What else can one make of this quote:

“I can always choose to ‘go back’.  My struggle with sin isn’t so foreign to me that I couldn’t embrace it again,” wrote Chambers.

Or this:

“While sin isn’t foreign to my flesh it is absolutely foreign to the new creation that I am in Christ, to my new heart and my new mind.”

Or this:

So, while there is much debate over whether homosexuality and Christianity are compatible the truth remains, “Those who are in Christ are a new creation, the old has gone and the new has come.”  Don’t take that verse to mean you won’t struggle or fall, but do use it as a daily reminder and divine encouragement that though your flesh is prone to failure, you are not under the dictatorship or label of the flesh.

(Um, Alan, if you are still “struggling” you are not a new creature. You haven’t changed. The definition of “New” means different, yet you appear to be stuck with old, familiar (not new) feelings. You are like a person on a stationary bike going nowhere, but claiming to be on a journey.)

Or this:

“So, on the days or during the seasons when I feel like I cannot take any more, I remember that my suffering doesn’t compare to what Jesus endured for my sake.”

Ouch, it seems that the so-called “ex-gay” path is quite excruciating and never complete. Chambers is quite right that fighting off his lust for men is not as painful as being nailed to a cross. But, after all these years, why is the struggle this hellishly difficult?

Why didn’t all those expensive conferences, stacks of “ex-gay” books he peddles, DVDs Exodus hawks, and years of Christian pseudo-scientific counseling do more to make him straight? Didn’t the loving, warm, embrace of his pretty wife make it so he would not have to feel like he “could not take it anymore”?

When one comes out – like the Dan Savage videos say — it gets better. It is clear by Chambers’ depressing newsletter that for those living as “ex-gays” life does not improve or gets worse. I almost feel bad for the guy.

Finally, it was good for Chambers to admit that Exodus accomplished next to nothing in 2010.

“The harvest seemed smaller this year from a spiritual standpoint.  We had to work harder and got less.”

We can only hope that Exodus’ push to recruit youth in 2011 is as frustrating and fruitless as its failed efforts in 2010.