Greg Quinlan of PFOX thinks Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan is an ex-gay, and is encouraging her to come out of the closet. Because you see, when you’re “ex-gay,” you need a whole new designation for your sexual orientation, since none of them are actually heterosexual by any rational definition of the word. Or wait, I thought they said they were. SO CONFUSING, these ex-gays! What kind of an ascot does Elena Kagan wear? Because apparently ex-gays have an Ascot Code that tells you exactly what they’re into. No, back up. Click on “Ascot Code.” You will not be sorry.

This is all based on, as you might suspect with Greg Quinlan, a hearty combination of Absolutely Nothing and The Voices In Greg’s Head.

One problem, Gregory: Elena Kagan isn’t an impressionable fundamentalist headcase, but rather an esteemed legal mind, and is thus immune to sordid dishonest crap like the “ex-gay” industry.