Over at Facebook, Exodus International co-founder and former “ex-gay” Michael Bussee has done Exodus a helpful favor by authoring the organization’s manifesto.

It’s so clearly written, we can’t understand why Exodus won’t fire Randy “Weasel Words” Thomas and hire Bussee as spokesman.

The Exodus Primer

(1) Gay sex is always EVIL — especially loving and committed gay sex, because that’s sinning repeatedly and on PURPOSE — and will land you in Hell if you don’t knock it off.

(2) Masturbation to gay fantasies may be an exception — especially if you don’t get “addicted” to it — or can find a way to not think about anything while you do it. It might actually help you avoid real sex with REAL people.

(3) We help “strugglers” (people who hate themselves for being gay) avoid gay sex as much as possible. Frequent “falls” are the rule. But you can always repent at the next prayer meeting, every week. Or — you can keep your “falls” to yourself — and pray that nobody catches you hiring a Rentboy to carry your luggage.

(4) We cannot make you straight — we really don’t know how and we never have. (Oh, you thought that was what we were promising? Silly gays!!!)

(5) Ex-gay doesn’t mean straight. Neither does “former homosexual” or “post gay.”

(6) All these terms (“ex,” “former,” “post,” “freedom,” “moving beyond,” “leaving,” etc.) are examples of “Christianese” — AKA “hype.” The intent of being vague and misleading like this is to “offer strugglers hope” while “vexing and provoking” the media. We have our own special language — Exodus Newspeak. You will need to learn it if you really want to “change.” (That’s Newspeak for pretending not be be gay anymore.)

(7) Most of you “ex-gays” will have to get used to the idea of never having sex, never falling in love, never getting married. Instead, you will need to get up every morning, pray real hard — and try to “deny what comes naturally for you” until you die. That’s what we call “freedom.”

(8) A few of you might get married and develop some “spouso-sexual” feelings toward your wife — or maybe you won’t develop them. It helps to marry someone for whom this in not terribly important.

(9) Everything in the Bible is literally true — and only we know how to correctly interpret and apply it to you. If you disagree, you are probably a gay activist or un-saved. And if you don’t “change,” you didn’t want it enough, have enough faith of try hard enough.

(10) Our anti-homosexual attitudes and our “correct” understanding of the Bible really should be the Law of the Land. We try really hard to make it that way, but are having limited success in the USA — so we decided to try Africa.