This evening Tony Perkins and Bishop Harry Jackson will be descending upon Memphis’s largest church, Bellevue Baptist, for a “Stand for the Family” rally. In the interest of not wasting people’s time, I will now liveblog this event FROM THE FUTURE:

1. The family is under attack!

2. It is all the gays’ fault!

3. All of you people with families, you are under attack! Right now!

4. By the gays!

5. Also, abortion?

6. And what happens when a man in a dress decides to use the ladies’ room at your local Hobby Lobby? All hell breaks loose, that’s what!

7. Gays are so powerful that they will take the entire military down with one disco ball!

8. Did I mention that all of you people are under attack? Take cover due to partly cloudy with a 100% chance of gays!

9. Did you hear about the time

a. a New Mexico photographer was forced to abide by the laws of her state?

b. kids in Massachusetts had to learn to read books that reflected reality?

c. a wedding pavilion that was open to the public was forced to be open to PUBLIC GAYS?

d. the liberal media attacked Carrie Prejean worse than 9/11 when they time traveled and convinced her to make a sex tape?

10. We’re victims!

Here’s the flyer, which looks like a page from a coloring book. So Jeremy Hooper colored it.

The event is being sponsored by the adorably named FACT (Family Action Council of Tennessee).

Meanwhile, around the corner, the Memphis Gay & Lesbian Community Center will be hosting a rally called Stand for ALL Families:

Says MGLCC director Will Batts: “MGLCC stands for all types of families because we value the unconditional love that builds those relationships. Many of the kids we assist have been hurt by traditional families that see only rigid, limited ways of expressing love.”

Like the ones being supported and promoted at Bellevue Baptist this evening.