This is presumably not a joke:

My name is Peter LaBarbera. I am a 47-year-old, happily married father of five living in Naperville, and I am asking for your vote to serve as Republican State Central Committeeman for the 13 Congressional District of Illinois.

I entered this race as a strong fiscal and social conservative in the model of Illinois’ own Ronald Reagan. I believe that the IL-GOP is badly in need of reform and that we can be better served than by our current leaders — including my opponent, Roger Claar ‚Äî who have put power over principle and lost sight of the greatness that a conservative Republican Party can achieve.

As a Reagan Republican, my dream for the Illinois Republican Party is that it would return to the standards of conservatism, decency, integrity and high principle of the man who grew up here, in Dixon, and who as President restored American greatness and accomplished what many said was impossible: to force the demise of Soviet Communism, an “Evil Empire” (as Reagan called it) and the most murderous political system ever created.

He tacks through his “beliefs” or whatever, and somehow doesn’t see fit to share all the amazing work he’s done over the years going to leathersex festivals and taking hundreds of pictures for his personal collection! And honestly, I think that’s important! The constituents of the Illinois 13th should know about Peter’s mad skillz as a nude male photographer! Also, he is an expert on military themed gay porn! Who knows, maybe the denizens of Illinois 13 have been having trouble finding military themed gay porn! Well, here you go! Peter knows where it is! And if you have a friend or family member who’s gay and getting married, Peter will write them an insane personal letter condemning their love. How many people in America would do that to for a person they’ve never met? Peter will. That’s the kind of guy he is.

Anyway, exciting!