Scott BrownI know. You are so surprised that you’re having palpitations, I’m sure.

On Glenn Beck’s radio show today, the following exchange happened:

Supporters of Senator-elect Scott Brown winced as he offered up one of his daughters as “available” in his victory speech Tuesday night.

On Wednesday, Glenn Beck took to his radio program to sharply criticize Brown’s remarks. The controversial host suggested that Brown needed to be “monitored” because “this one could end up with a dead intern.”

“I want a chastity belt on this man,” Beck said. “I want his every move watched in Washington. I don’t trust this guy. This one could end with a dead intern.”

“A dead intern?” co-host Pat Gray asked. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

Later on in the segment, Beck added, “I’m just sayin’, congratulations, now let’s monitor him, let’s put an ankle bracelet on him, let’s know where he is at all times.”

Okay, yeah, we all were like “Naked say what?” when Brown almost started auctioning off the girls from the podium, because it was weird. But, um…okay, first of all, chastity belt, Glenn? Is he not allowed to have private time in the back of the truck with his wife? And, like, what is Glenn Beck saying here? That Scott Brown is just simply too sexy to trust? What a strange little man!

This was the second time (that I know of) in two days that Glenn Beck has expressed his distrust for Scott Brown. Yesterday, before Scott the Nude became Senator-elect Scott the Nude, Glenn Beck wrote a long rambling something-or-other about the Massachusetts election and the state of politics, and said this:

I mean, I don’t trust Scott Brown yet. Americans don’t know him. He posed naked in Cosmopolitan magazine back in 1982. I mean ‚Äî really? I question the judgment of man who thinks anyone wants to see the male body naked: 100 percent of Americans agree naked males should never, ever be seen ‚Äî ever. We aren’t pretty.

Is Glenn Beck a closet case? Honest question! Because that sentiment is so weird that there absolutely must be something strange behind it. Let’s break this down:

1. Does anyone want to see Glenn Beck naked? Probably not!* Maybe that’s the “100 percent” he’s referring to?

2. But there is a large contigent of women who do like to see men naked! And, of course, there is a large contingent of men who like to see men naked!**

So, if Glenn Beck is saying that he simply can’t fathom a person thinking that some people might enjoy seeing an attractive man naked, that is weird. I remember, years ago, I knew this guy who was ten or twelve years older, and I went on a couple of church-type mission trips that he chaperoned, and he had this bizarre overplayed reaction to the idea of seeing any of us guys (shared rooming, etc.) walking around in towels-slash-in our Scott Brown suits. Bear in mind, I was a Christian closeted high schooler/college student, but even my reaction to those kinds of things wasn’t that weird. Years later, it dawned on me: Omigod, he was gay.*** That’s what it looks like when the closet starts to get musty!

So is that what brought about Glenn Beck’s stupid, obviously visceral reaction to seeing Scott Brown’s naked pictures? “Oh god, I can’t believe anyone would ever want to see that! Nobody wants to see those things! Least of all moi!” Yeah, a lot of people do. And I would suggest that only those with something to hide would have a hard time acknowledging that fact.

*Going to throw up dinner now, sorry if I just made you do the same with that little image.

**For instance, many of you men reading this! Oh, and also me!

***As those things so often do, it dawned on me suddenly after probably not thinking about this guy for at least five years. Just driving down the street or something, and suddenly the reality of something from the past hits you.