So, I’m perusing the wingnutty wares at ClownHall, and what do I find? I find Star Parker, anti-gay “writer” and “thinker,” tossing up a veritable word salad of Sad and Fail! So let’s read it, together:

Sodom in the nation’s capital

Oh, this must be a piece about road-weary travelers looking for food and a night of rest after traversing the hinterlands of Virginia! DuPont Circle, you should be ashamed of yourself, let those people in! Oh wait, it’s about something else entirely:

According to DC’s HIV/AIDS office, three percent of the local population has HIV or AIDS. The Administrator of this office notes that this HIV/AIDS incidence is “…higher than West Africa…on par with Uganda and some parts of Kenya.” And the principal way that HIV is transmitted continues to be through male homosexual activity.

Okay. This is a problem, we can all agree. But something tells me Star interprets this information differently from the way that normal humans do.

Amidst this dismal picture, the DC City Council, perhaps on the theory that serving up another glass of wine is the way to help a drunk, is scheduled to vote on December 1 to legalize same sex marriage in America’s capital city.

Star’s right. Because when straight people get married, they get a lot more AIDS.

George Washington’s America was one in which the point of freedom is to allow Man to rise to what he can become. To do this, the greatest challenge he faces is conquering himself. To rise above his baser instincts, to rise above the many temptations that lead him astray. And to achieve this end, as Washington said, “religion and morality are indispensible supports.”

Everyone applaud Star’s use of Wikipedia in finding a random quote by a random founding father to use as the next ingredient in her salad. What-oh-what will she do with it?

It is tempting to look at DC’s realities and just call this a black thing. And by and large it is.

But instead let’s blame gay marriage, ‘kay?

…[I]n a recently published volume, Brookings scholars Ron Haskins and Isabel Sawhill point out the centrality of the traditional family to the American dream of opportunity and the centrality of family breakdown to poverty.

Reporting data showing the general breakdown of the traditional American family, they say, “Some claim that anyone who is concerned about these trends is simply out of touch with modern culture; we respond that, if that be the case, then, “modern culture is out of touch with the needs of children.”

I thought we were talking about how gay marriage causes AIDS, Star. So, let’s see, where is this going? Breakdown of family = bad. Strengthening all family units, including gay ones = even worse. Glad to know that wingnut logic is as consistent as ever.

The Catholic Archdiocese of DC announced that legalization of same sex marriage would make it impossible to continue its relationship with the DC government and require termination of the social services it provides to some 68,000 of the city’s poor — including about one third of its homeless.

Ach, we’re talking about Catholics now? Star, PICK A TOPIC!

Also, same sex marriage wouldn’t make it “impossible” for the Catholics to keep helping the poor. The higher-ups in the Catholic Church simply are infantile, and they don’t care enough about the poor to keep serving them, even if they don’t get their way on every single issue.

So, blah blah blah, it’s mean old David Catania’s fault, he’s the one who hates the poor, just because he wants to bring civil marriage equality to the District. The fact that the first and only organization to bring up denying aid to the poor, on this completely unrelated topic, is the Roman Catholic Diocese…but anyway, we’re in wingnut rubber-glue territory, and no amount of reason or logic will reach these people.

Okay, Star, tie it all together, prove your point:

It should concern every American as we watch our nation’s capital city transform officially into Sodom.

WHAT?! I know this is wingnut logic, and I know this is Clown Hall, and I know this is the “pro-family” movement, but have any of them ever passed 11th grade English? Ms. Parker, for future reference, if you want to write a persuasive piece, you ought to:

1. Pick a topic. No, seriously, just one. Baby steps.

2. Maybe put forward a thesis. That’s always helpful.

3. Outline your supporting points, and make sure that they relate to the topic at hand.

4. Try to resolve it in a way that proves #2, at least for the audience you’re trying to reach.

I hope this is helpful.

Anyway, for the rest of you, I hope you enjoyed your Star Parker word salad. I gave my portion to the dog, but sssshhhhhh, I don’t want to hurt Star’s feelings.